POSITIVITY
  • Workshops
    • 3 Pillars of Positivity >
      • Mindset
      • Purpose
      • Relationships
    • Grow with the Flow
    • Calendar
  • Resources
    • Blog
    • Books
    • Shop
  • Connect
Picture
Subscribe

How Your Choices Discourage Others

3/20/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
The single choice with the power to open the door to a world of possibilities.
​Read the full story ⬇︎
He assumed I lied.
 
There was no hesitation—the assumption of negative intent was as instinctual as breathing.
 
But if he even took just a cursory moment to reflect, he would have recognized that for the average person to lie in this situation would go against the very basis of why people lie: We lie when we fear the consequences of the truth (and even then, we will only lie when we think we can actually get away with it).
 
And there was no way I’d be able to get away with this one.
 
It all happened yesterday as I lined up for the Holyoke 10k race. Though I’d never run in this event before, I have participated in a number of similar races in the past, so I really didn’t give it much thought.
 
For me, running a race isn’t about running faster than others. Rather, it’s just a fun way to stay fit while spending time in the community. I have no aspirations other than starting, finishing, and having fun along the way.
 
But this was not the case for the people I was lined up with at the starting line.
 
We were grouped by the colors of our assigned numbers: Orange numbers, green numbers, blue numbers, and so forth. I had an orange number, which meant I had to line up at the front of the starting line—which made sense, because I had registered for the race months ago. Register early and you get to the front of the line, right?
 
Wrong.
 
Waiting for the race to begin, the other runners gave me strange looks. Eventually one of them asked the pivotal question: “What time are you hoping to get?”
 
“I’m not hoping for any particular time,” I replied. “I’m just here to have fun.”
 
He looked annoyed. “You’re going to get trampled. The orange corral is for elite runners, those with sub-40 finish times. Why did you lie about your time when you registered?”
 
And there it was. No hesitation.
 
I was immediately reminded of what a client recently said during a group workshop with their team, about the value of assuming positive intent. Just because people may do things that go against our expectations, that does not mean they are being malicious. More than likely, it’s merely a miscommunication, or perhaps they are coming from a different perspective and with different information. If approached with the assumption of positive intent and with curiosity to understand, we can effectively break down the barriers to connection and create the foundation for meaningful relationships to flourish.
 
The interaction with this runner made me regret signing up for the race, a sure way to lose the race before you even get started. I signed up to run, not to have my integrity publicly questioned. But the person with the greatest amount of responsibility is the one with the highest level of awareness, so though I was inwardly disappointed by the experience, outwardly I shrugged off the rebuff with a smile: “I don’t know why they assigned me here—I’m just lined up where I was told to be. Let’s have fun today.”
 
And fun it was! Over the course of the next hour and 15 minutes and 53 seconds, I was treated to a 6.2-mile line of community members cheering us all on. My legs may have been tired, but my heart was full.
 
As for how I ended up being grouped with elite runners, I’m still not sure. If it wasn’t a clerical error, then perhaps it was due to ambiguous wording on the registration page. Is the “Under 40 Division” for people who are under 40 years old? Or for people who can run a 10k in under 40 minutes?
Two people in disagreement
The High Cost of Unskilled Teams
This experience reminded me of obstacles I often hear clients discuss during our group workshops. When faced with conflict, team members without effective connecting and communication strategies are often prone to carelessly push others away.
 
At best, these unskilled employees discourage their peers from being open—leading to disengagement, lack of productivity, and poor quality of work. That’s the best-case scenario with an unskilled team. At worst, these careless behaviors can push people to leave the team entirely to seek a more conducive environment—costing major financial setbacks in turnover costs.
 
By not providing your team with opportunities to understand, connect, and positively influence one another, they become destined to lose the race before they even get started.
Two people conversing pleasantly.
Connecting Choices
How teams choose to treat each other through their verbal and nonverbal communication is just as important as how they choose to respond to each other. There are eight connecting choices I share with my clients to help them overcome barriers to effective engagement. These choices are important, because regardless of the opportunities for connecting with others, they are inaccessible without making the right choices to remove any real or perceived barriers.
 
There is one connecting choice that is my favorite of them all, because it has power to open the door to a world of possibilities:
 
Choose to be curious.
 
Curiosity comes with the inherent quality of fasciation that inspires wonder and empowers sincere interest.
 
When you are curious, there are no assumptions. Instead, you remain open. You ask questions. You listen. You learn. You gain perspective by seeking to understand what others see, hear, feel, know, and want.
 
As a bonus, curiosity also sends a signal to others that you care enough about them and the situation to ask questions—opening the door for the possibility of a whole new world of connection.
 
Whether you are on the sending or receiving end of communication, choosing to be curious can empower you, your team, and the community you serve with a sure foundation from which to grow on, because that’s how teams win.
 
Together.  
 
Reflection
How might you approach your interactions with others with greater curiosity, fascination, and wonder?
 
Jonas Cain is an educator, facilitator, and coach for Hashtag Positivity, helping leaders and their influencers experience joy in their life, work, and relationships. Schedule a strategy session with him today to discuss your challenges, goals, and obstacles.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    JONAS CAIN, M.Ed.

    Author

    Jonas Cain, M.Ed. is a storyteller, magician, musician, and facilitator of fascination, helping people experience abiding joy through fascination, curiosity, and wonder.
    ​
    ​
    Connect with Jonas to discover more.

    Picture

    Topics

    All
    Acceptance
    Action
    Adversity
    Advice
    Ally
    April Fools
    Atonement
    Authenticity
    Behavior
    Boundaries
    Breathing
    Care
    Certainty
    Change
    Change Management
    Character
    Clarity
    Commitment
    Communication
    Compassion
    Confidence
    Conflict
    Connecting
    Connection
    Courage
    Creativity
    Critics
    Curiosity
    Decision Making
    Doubt
    Dreams
    Education
    Empowerment
    Encouragement
    Engagement
    Enjoyment
    Excellence
    Expectation
    Family
    Fascination
    Fear
    Focus
    Friendship
    Goals
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Groundhog Day
    Growth
    Happiness
    Happy Birthday
    Hope
    Humor
    Influence
    Inspiration
    Joy
    Kindness
    Leadership
    Legacy
    Lessons
    Louis Armstrong
    Love
    Magic
    Mental Health
    Mentor
    Mindfulness
    Mindset
    Motivation
    Music
    Networking
    Online Learning
    Opportunity
    Passion
    Patience
    Peace
    Perception
    Perseverance
    Persistence
    Perspective
    Philosophy
    Pinball
    Positivity
    Pot Roast Principle
    Practice
    Preparation
    Presence
    Priorities
    Process
    Proverbs
    Psychology
    Purpose
    Rapport
    Reflection
    Relationships
    Resilience
    Resources
    Responsibility
    Risk
    Skills
    Social Justice
    Storytelling
    Stress Relief
    Talent
    Teamwork
    Transition
    Ukraine
    Unity
    Virtual Education
    Vision

    Picture

    Subscribe

    Subscribe on Apple
    Subscribe on Spotify
    Subscribe on Google
    Subscribe on Breaker
    Subscribe on Radio Public
    Subscribe on Overcast
    Subscribe on Pocket Casts
    Picture

    Archives

    May 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    April 2024
    February 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    September 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    February 2017

    RSS Feed

Picture

​JONAS CAIN, M.Ed. | ​Facilitator of Fascination
​[email protected]

#POSITIVITY

WORKSHOPS | RESOURCES |  SHOP  | CONNECT

© 2025
  • Workshops
    • 3 Pillars of Positivity >
      • Mindset
      • Purpose
      • Relationships
    • Grow with the Flow
    • Calendar
  • Resources
    • Blog
    • Books
    • Shop
  • Connect