Fear or Joy?

Motivation is ever-present. It’s not that we lack motivation; rather, it’s a matter of what we’re motivated by.

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Proposing to Stephanie was like a masterclass in following your Joy. Her bright eyes, exuberant smile, and resounding “yes” was one of the happiest moments of my life. Which is part of what made it so hard, seven days later, when she died unexpectedly.

The sudden fall from a peak of Joy to a pit of despair is jarring, and after years of wallowing grief, I realized I had a choice: I could stay there and let it destroy me, or I could lift myself up and live again. 

It took a fair amount of courage to overcome the fear of being hurt again, but despite the fear and despite the hesitation, I boldly stepped forward and found love again.

Years later, when I proposed to Sara, her smile offered a sign that love can truly find a way—which is part of what made it so hard, after a year of marriage, when she decided she wanted a divorce.

(cue the trombone playing wah-wah)

The experience of loss has taught me to be motivated by Fear rather than Joy—at least when it comes to matters of the heart.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

That’s the thing about motivation: It’s ever-present. It’s not that we lack motivation; rather, it’s a matter of what we’re motivated by.
 
Are we motivated by what we stand to lose or by what we stand to gain? Are we motivated by Fear or by Joy?

According to evolutionary psychologists, humans and animals alike are commonly motivated by gaining or enhancing pleasure (Joy) and by avoiding or minimizing pain (Fear).

Common fears often include (but are not limited to) deception and exploitation, rejection, insecurity, and criticism; and their corresponding joys often include honesty and compassion, acceptance, security, and praise.

As I continue to explore motivation in my own life—whether in my work, in my hobbies, or in matters of the heart—what I’m continuing to discover is a curious paradox: Avoiding what we fear often also avoids what brings us joy.

Just as motivation is ever-present, so too can Fear and Joy be concurrently ever-present. It’s not a matter of avoiding one to move towards the other; rather, it’s a matter of expanding our Joy to be greater than our Fear—giving us the courage to do the hard things that may offer pain, but also offer our greatest abiding Joy.

Reflection
Think of one activity you did today. What motivated it?  Was your Fear greater than your Joy? Or was your Joy greater than your Fear? In a similar way, think of one thing you avoided today. Was it Fear or was it Joy that motivated you?

Your Next Step
As a storyteller, magician, musician, and facilitator of fascination, my mission is to help individuals, teams, and communities experience abiding joy. You can get started today by accepting your invitation to Grow with the Flow, a self-paced personal growth journey.

With Joy --
Jonas

P.S. If you’d like to work together, here’s how:

• Buy a book.
• Attend a virtual workshop.
• Join Grow with the Flow.
• Book me to speak with your group.