A Simple Misunderstanding

How using the word and ​can open the door to perspective, possibility, and peace.

​​Read the full story ⬇︎

It was a simple misunderstanding, really.
 
When the Earl of Huntly set fire to Donibristle—an estate on the coast of the Firth of Forth in Scotland—the Earl of Moray stayed inside as long as he could before escaping out the back and heading for the rocks on the shore. He might have gotten away if not for the tassels of his helmet. They had caught fire during the harrowing escape and their burning glow caught the attention of his pursuers.[1]
 
And all of this could have been prevented had it not been for a simple misunderstanding. King James had already given the Earl of Moray a pardon, which is why he refused to surrender—and yet, the Earl of Huntly had him killed anyway.
 
Sometimes, objective reality is replaced by subjective reality. Regardless of the truth, whatever feels true for our contextual experience trumps the original intent.
 
In other words, it was a simple misunderstanding—and this explains how we got the word ampersand.
 
You know, that word we use to refer to the logogram for the conjuncture and: &
 
It originally derived from the ligature (the joining together of two or more letters) of the letters e and t—which is the Latin word for and. The word et was so common that people began to simply combine the two letters into one symbol. Over the years, the symbol evolved into what we know today as the ampersand.

The use of the and symbol became so common that by the 1830’s, many schools included it as the 27th letter of the alphabet, which was a confusing way to learn the alphabet. Imagine reciting “...X, Y, Z, &.” [2]
To make it clearer, teachers had students end the alphabet in Latin by reciting “...X, Y, Z, & per se and.” [3] Per se is Latin for “by itself,” so by including per se in the recitation, what it means is “the symbol & by itself is the word and.” Surely that cleared everything up, right?
 
When reciting the alphabet, & per se and became slurred into ampersand—much like we tend to slur the letters L, M, N, O, P as elemenopee. Over time, the slurring of & per se and became so ubiquitous that by 1837 ampersand had become the common English term for the “and” symbol.
 
So, you see, it was a simple misunderstanding, really—like when Sylvia Wright was a little girl listening to the song “The Bonnie Earl of Moray.” [4]
 
“They have slain the Earl of Moray and Lady Mondegreen."
 
Upon hearing this, the young Sylvia imagined the Earl dying beside his faithful lover, Lady Mondegreen. For Sylvia, it didn’t matter that she misunderstood the original lyrics, which actually said:
 
“They have slain the Earl o' Moray and layd him on the green.”
 
Sometimes, objective reality is replaced by subjective reality. Regardless of the truth, whatever feels true for our contextual experience trumps the original intent.
 
And for Sylvia, the truth was far less romantic. She knew nothing of the feud between the Earl of Huntly and the Earl of Moray. For her, “The Bonnie Earl of Moray” was a ballad of two lovers, and that’s just how she intended to keep it—much like I like to believe Elton John’s song waxes poetic about Tony Danza holding me closer. It doesn’t matter that Elton is actually singing about a tiny dancer. Growing up in the 1980’s with Tony Danza as “the boss,” it made more subjective and contextual sense for the song to be about Tony Danza, regardless of the objective truth.
 
Today, we call these misunderstandings a mondegreen: a misinterpretation of a phrase in such a way as to give it a new meaning. It was Sylvia herself who coined the term mondegreen in her 1954 essay entitled “The Death of Lady Mondegreen,” when she misunderstood the feuds between the Scottish nobility of the 16th century.
 
So, you see, it was a simple misunderstanding, really.
​​

​Reframe the Conversation
To clear things up, I offer a challenge: whenever you find yourself about to say the words or, but, and however, in their stead, try the word and.
 
This subtle yet non-insignificant change has the power to reframe conversations, enhance communication, and improve relationships.[5]
 
In his book The Five Essentials: Using Your Inborn Resources to Create a Fulfilling Life, the anthropologist Bob Deutsch states that the inherent paradoxes, contradictions, and ambiguities found in our modern world suggests we are in the “age of and.” [6]
 
Not or. Not but. Not however.
 
& per se and.
 
Or suggests simplicity; and suggests complexity. When you lead with and rather than or, look for the new perspectives it inspires.
 
But suggests contrast; and suggests similarity. When you lead with and rather than but, look for the novel solutions that emerge.
 
However suggests exclusion; and suggests inclusion. When you lead with and rather than however, look for the unity it fosters.
 
For example, what’s more important to you? A meaningful career or a salary that supports quality of life? Before you answer, consider whether this is truly a matter of or. Maybe it’s better framed as an and question.
 
When you have conflicting priorities, leading with and rather than but can lead you to new possibilities that focus on solutions rather than obstacles.
 
And when you have a disagreement with a friend, leading with and rather than however can start a collaborative conversation that unites rather than divides.
 
The substitution of one word acknowledges each individual’s interests as legitimate while also recognizing there are issues to be resolved. Rather than letting a misunderstanding limit and divide us, leading with and can foster an environment conducive for communication, opportunity, and community.[7]
 
​
Final Thoughts
And connects two or more ideas to demonstrate a relationship of equal importance, and when we take this relationship to heart, we just might discover wider perspectives, new solutions, and enhanced unity.
 
This is not to suggest we should never use these other words, but it is to suggest that if we find ourselves stuck, giving and a try just may do the trick to remove the block of misunderstanding and confusion.
 
After all, objective reality is colored through the subjective lens of each individual’s contextual experience. Embracing this complexity and nuance with & per se and can open the door to perspective, possibility, and peace.
 

Reflection
How might ampersand enhance your experience of the world around you?


Want More?
Jonas Cain, M.Ed. is a storyteller, magician, musician, and facilitator of fascination, helping individuals, teams, and communities Grow with the Flow to experience abiding joy. Connect with Jonas today to discuss your challenges, goals, and obstacles: [email protected]


REFERENCES
[1] Ives, E.D. (1997). The bonny Earl of Murray: The man, the murder, the ballad. Tuckwell Press.

[2] Keller, J. (2017, Janury 27). “The ampersand and its shady past. Medium. https://medium.com/@jimkeller/the-ampersand-and-its-shady-past-a184b62f0211

[3] Keller, J. (2017, Janury 27). “The ampersand and its shady past. Medium. https://medium.com/@jimkeller/the-ampersand-and-its-shady-past-a184b62f0211

[4] Wright, S. (1954). "The Death of Lady Mondegreen". Harper's Magazine. 209(1254). pp.48–51

[5] McNulty, E.J. (2017, March 27).  “The power of and one short, simple word can reframe your leadership mind-set.” Strategy Business. https://www.strategy-business.com/blog/The-Power-of-And

[6] Deutsch, B. (2013). The Five Essentials: Using Your Inborn Resources to Create a Fulfilling Life, the anthropologist. Avery.

[7] Hosseiney, M. (2021, March 24). “The power of 'and' in business.” Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinessdevelopmentcouncil/2021/03/24/the-power-of-and-in-business